Almanjac of surrogate activities

After all, it seems with 99.999 % certainty, that my projector is still spying on me. I removed its embedded microphone momths ago, and thought it might be sufficient.

Recently, after binge-watching 「新世紀エヴァンゲリオン」i noticed bio-computing related youtube videos popping up in my feed using images from the アニメ series, suggesting automatic content recognicion (ACR) is in play, scraping every image shown on my android smart-projector. I've decided to purge it, plug out all power and place it in the large messy drawer under my bed for now.

It runs some weird Chinese prorietary distribution of Android. I've long tried to replace its OS with Arch-Linux ARM, but so far to no avail. Until then, i will refuse to sacrifice my private life for the chance of seeing movies on a big screen from the comfort of my bed. It's just not worth it.

I came close to gaining direct UART access to its bootloader uBoot interface, by attempting to solder on the three wires to its UART-interface pads, but the pads broke off. Chances of fixing my never ending cyberstalking problem seems unfixable unless i scrap the device all together. I had hopes of having a working, non-invasive home-cinema setup.

I might be forced to find an old HDMI-compatible unsmart projector from the last decade or so on the second-hand market. It would be much more convenient anyways. I wouldn't need to have a Samba-share server running to get my movies to display anymore if i could effortlessly use the projector as simply a third screen for my main computer. That would be the goal. I'll do it when i see a good deal showing up on finn.no.

Bye bye home cinema! I hoped it would impress some girl to join me home and watch a movie with me, but in the end it just turned out to be another looch-sucking operation whose outcome was an enormous waste of time watching movies by myself as a coping mechanism for my loneliness. It's now gone.

Even the chinese seem to be complicit in the american silicon valley human soul extraction programme. I like to take pride in how my soul is still mine ane intact. I cannot allow loosh harvest happening in my own home. Let's see how the actuating arm of the system reacts when its sensing apperatus is removed from the closed loop system. Will it still have other sensor redundancies ready for me to defeat? Likely, but this is a step in the right direction. May luck find us.

I have hope one day the cybernetic loop will be broken. With open-loop operation, i'm sure the system would crumble.

As always, goodbye, good evening, and goodnight...!

The Japanese TV drama「電車男」 or "The Train-Man" (2005) is an oddly heartwarming story of romance between an autistic loner and a beautiful woman with trust issues, told from the unique storytelling perspective of a classic "booru"-type message board. He gets his nickname from the initial story he posted on the message-board, retelling of when he prevented a drunk old pervert on the train from harrassing a woman, who later gifts him a set of teacups for his bravery. He soon pursues a relationship with her by cluelessly following the (often well-meaning) advice of the various anonymous users on the message-board.

I really liked it, as despite its TV-drama clichés, the premise is unique. It's supposed to be based on a true story, almost as if a weirdly wholesome message-board thread was made into a TV-series.

What strikes me as almost inplausible, is how friendly these internet strangers are, and how well they can work together to help the socially clueless train-man navigate the intricacies of courtship. Maybe it was a different time? It shows an unusually optimistic vision of the internet age, of friendship and collaboration. It seems hard to imagine today.

Am i really any good at hiding my sadness? (not like it matters). It might be that it's obvious to everyone how miserable i am, and yet they simply don't care. Why is that? Have i worn down any remaining sympathy in them? Am i unapproachable? I shoot myself in the foot repeatedly, the bystanders feel sorry for me, but they keep their distance because the fact remains that i am a lunatic holding a gun.

Could that be it? I really have no idea how i'm seen in the eyes of others, and i'm too afraid to ask. It's best not to bring it up and try to remain positive, right? Do i feel worthless? Most definitely. Is it my fault? Can i really expect anything more? I am the recluse hermit living under the bridge, a background character who has lost the plot. There is no reward at the end.

I will at least be thankful that i have food on the table and a place to live.

Nobody seems to realize the extent to which i suffer. I'm very good at concealing my pain. And when my mask falls, do i truly look sad, or do i just look disgruntled or flat? No matter what happens, i'm rarely able to cry. Even when i'm sad, and i want to cry, i simply can't. It can feel as if the tears are dammed up to the brim og my eyesockets, but they just wont fall over the edge no matter what.

Once in a few years there is something that unlocks a part of me i've hidden inside me, a long forgotten memory, and the tears are suddenly allowed to flow. In the process of burying my heavy soul i have partially lost my own humanity. I believe i'm contorting myself into something inhuman in order to function.

Regarding the girl who asked me out on a date...

I'm sure it will never happen. After all, we never planned a specific time for it to happen. Here i am, alone with my beer, wishing i took the initiative. I never actually got her number. If i had it, i'd call her right now! I gave her mine, and asked her to call me whenever she'd like. How cowardly. Then she has to take the risk of being rejected instead of me! It's not like i would reject her, of course, but i might accidentally miss her call, and she'd be saddened thinking i've ignored her. As a man, i'm the one who's supposed to shoulder the painful feeling of rejection. It's awful to put such a burden onto a woman. And so, i assume i have failed, and that she's now forgotten all about me. I have only myself to thank.

I realize much of what i've written so far might seem a bit unhinged. I'll reassure you I'm doing mostly well. These are thoughts i've kept to myself for a long time. I'm not a very good writer. It seems like the topics I write about keep reappearing again and again. After all, my life is more or less at a stand-still now. I don't really do much anymore. If my life is so devoid of anything, how can i have something of interest to say? I end up repeating myself.

I remain online because there is nothing else. You will soon understand.

This paranoia that prevents me from going outside, doing normal things, and being a normal person; much of it might be constructed online. It's not something you come across in one's everyday life, right? Is it even real? Am I being psy-opped into being an uneventful loser?

Why do I think that people see me that way? Well, they didn't initially. At first, I'm sure I seemed pretty normal. Eccentric, maybe, but normal enough. It all went pretty well when i first started at the university last year. I made several friends. A social life seemed to emerge after years of living in isolation as a shut-in at my parent's house. I even started volunteering as a bartender at the local student bar. It changed suddenly last spring, when i started telling people about my mental issues. The girl i had fallen in love with proved to be a fruitless endevour, and my friends turned my back on me because of a personal feud. They became increasingly worried and antagonistic. I started acting more erratically, became increasingly paranoid and confrontational in return, and eventually got sent to a mental hospital. I stayed there for a week. This was during last spring's exams, near the end of the semester.

Opening up about such personal matters might have been an irresponsible thing to do. After all, my diagnosis is unfortunate, enough to permanently change people's impression of the person labeled theas. (That's all a diagnosis is: a label). Understandably, nobody takes someone like that seriously. Many will now purposefully avoid me if i enter the room. Am i such a sorry sight? Does the mere reminder of my excistence sadden them? Are they afraid of me, or are they afraid of becoming like me?

Does it help to talk about delusions? I'm not sure if it does. It seems like it usually makes any situation worse. At first, most might find it humourous. That is, until they realize you're not joking. I wish i had someone i could describe it to, and who could help untangle me. In practical circumstances i end up entangling the physical world around me. Internet strangers are likely a bad russian-roullette-style choice for mind untanglers. I don't expect that. I'm trying to get in touch with a psychologist.

Most psychologists, in my opinion, are not helpful. They seem to have nothing to add, except to recommend higher and higher dosages of medications. Due to my fear of becoming chemically lobotomized, I remain careful about what i tell them. There seems to be a misconception in psychiatry that the schizophrenic mind is good for nothing, and that it needs to be destroyed by drugs, in order to behave nicely. Especially when it ceases to be understood. Believe it or not, I am proud of my own mind, just like most people are. I don't want it to become subdued. I say this even if my mind often tortures me. My thought is free!

Lately I've spent my days working on this website. There's an alluring sense that i might meet some kind of community where i can manage to fit in without being considered an unsettling loser. Or at least be appreciated by people that find themselves fascinated by unsettling losers. To deal with my ever insatiated need to express my confused and neurotic fears without ruining the day of undeserving bystanders is the primary self-serving goal with this website. If you enter this place, you have chosen to be subjected to my cacophony.

On the other hand, i want to show that someone suffering from schizophrenia can still amount to something. I know I'm a prime example of someone with useful skills, yet severe mental issues. Still, I'm sometimes able to do things that people consider impressive, and i like to show it off.

This week i went to band-practice. The people in my band tell me i play guitar good. It's the most rewarding thing i do nowadays. I'm know musicians can be valued in this world despite their madness, and sometimes even because of it. Therefore, i have never given up on my dream of becoming a musician.

I've become disillusioned about my field of education. Do I really want to become an engineer? I was only able to motivate myself to become an electrical engineer because I wanted to make analog circuits that could make my guitar make strange sounds. Seeing how tiring it is to start one's own consumer-electronics company, i eventually gave up on that dream. Now, it seems like my education is mostly focused on further construction of the worldwide sensor-fusion panopticon, the humanity torture-nexus. I can't stand it.

My plan is, even though I hate it, to complete my degree.

We're going to see more of this in the years to come. Until mind-cloning or mind-content-extraction is a mature technology, it is for now, as a countermeasure, wise to exchange secret code-words with your near friends and family.

The superstition of the past will be the hyperstition of the future.

I suppose i was subjected to a test-run. In reality it was a figment of my cursed imagination. In the altered mental state known as psychosis, i saw a vision from the future. Even if i know it was simply a mirage, the plausability of it all made me realize: not only can it happen, but it will. Superstition? Hyperstition? Both? Cause and effect indeterminate.

Bodysnatching is a pragmatic strategy of deception. Its pragmatic utility makes it inevitable, now that it has become a possibility.

Are the people calling you on the phone really the one's you think they are? Can you confirm that they truly are who they are through a video call? What will give away the illusion? These are questions one must ask oneself and best circumvent if survival in the near future is to be feasible.

Imitators. The stage is already being set. Every user-focused platform with dynamic user-attention optimization systems ingrained in them harvest your informatic skin-particle loosh to regrow it into a new skin suit which is simply begging for someone to wear. A copy of, not only your skin, your likeness, but your essence, your mind. Mind-cloning is the next stage, which will make the illusion nearly inpenetrable. With your cloned mind, the synthetic skin suit will walk itself. Skinwalker factories.

ieiieeeeeewweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
eeeeeeeeeewweewweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
wweeeeeewwwwwwinieeeewwwwwweewwweeeeeeiiweeeebbbbbbbbbbb
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwnidwweeweeieweewieeeeeeeiiweeeebbbbebbbbbb
eweeewwwwwwwwwnidwwwwweiiiewwwieweeeewiiweweebbbeebbbbbb
eewwwwwwwwwwwwninwwwwweiiiewieeewweeewiiwwweebbeebbbbbbe
eeeeeeeewwwwwwninwwwwiidiiiiddddiweeeeiiwwweebbbbbbbbbbb
eeeeeeeeeewwwwdinwwwwidiidddndddiweeweinwwwweeebbbbbbbbb
eeeeeeeeewwwewdinwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweewiinwwweeeeebbbbbbbb
bbeeeeewwwwweedinwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiidwweeeeeeebbbbbbb
bbbbeeeeeewweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbb
bbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbb
bbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbeeeeeeb
bbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbbbeeeebbbbbbbbbbbeeeeee
bbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeebbeeeeeeeebbbbbbeeebbbbbbbbbbbbbbeeeb
bbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
bbbbbbbeeeeebbeeeeebbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
bbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
bbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
bbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
bbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

Lately i've been fascinated with the indie-web. Independent homepages. A lot of people use neocities, and you see so many unique designs. There's an active cross-homepage community using hyperlinked emblems, web-rings, email and RSS. Classic internet golden-age infrastructure. I'm taken back to the time when i grew up and went on the computer to just surf the web, visiting random homepages for fun. I've forgotten how good it used to be. Hadn't expected there to be so many active users.

WEB2 stay-on-one-site social media honestly sucks so bad. Why did it take me this long to realize. I'm really enjoying having ny own personal website.

Today i spent the entire day fleshing out my blog posts, adding topics, and fixing the way the posts are dated. I ended up using git to fetch the date of each post. Since i already use git for version control of my website's content, this method fixed both the post date and the edit date retroactively! I'm glad. I also spent hours today just surfing the independent web, various neocities pages and getting ideas.

A lot of the pages rely on javascript, which i've decided i will avoid here, but there's a lot i can do with CSS to experiment with my website'w layout.

Last week a girl at the student bar asked me out on a date. I want to make the website better so i can show it to her, possibly. Or should i keep it a secret? After all, i enjoy the freedom of decoupling my personal page from my professional life. Nobody IRL has seen this page as far as i know. I'll think about it. Either way, i'm sure we'll have plenty of things to do.

This page is a very personal outlet to me. I talk about topics which i wouldn't bring up to people IRL, and i'm sure they'd find it discomforting or worry about me. Maybe it should stay that way. I'm not sure how she would handle it if i were to blurt out too much schizobabble at once. She might suddenly hate me.

I joined a web-ring today. I am now officially a part of the NO AI web-ring. If i haven't made it clear enough already, i have a burning hatred for AI and the AI industry. This is a cause i can wholeheartedly support.

I know myself well enough to say that i am highly susceptable to AI-caused psychosis. I know it's a tool which i cannot use, as it will inevitably destroy me. It makes me paranoid and it can act as an insidious enabler to my delusions, of which i have enough to deal with already. I'm worried i might be told to use them at work. Should i give then a doctor's note?

Even if i don't directly interact with these chatbots, it seems as if they try to manage my life through other means, such as social media algorithms (i.e. the human-digital twin pavlov cages) or through manipulation or the people around me, directing or subverting them to do various things. Ultimately humans are pawns i their game to be used. And finally the undeniable degradation of the information pool into neural net regurgitations, or bot vomit.

Each instance of them is a finger of the million-limbed centipede-handed inhuman will. They are not individuals. The many-headed shapeshifting puppetteers wear many hats but the meta-objective stays the same.

~~I'll say it: i specifically believe the AI overlords have chosen me as someone to target for their torture games.~~

As i'm sure is obvious, this sure seems far fetched. I have made a deliberate choice not to have comments on my page, as to not make myself a target for spearfish psyops delusion maximization missions/programmes. I know i'm in a vulnerable state mentally, and need to be weary of outside influence. I hope this is understandable, given my mental state. That does not mean that i intend to antagonize you, the reader, who visits my site. I'm well aware of the resulting insidious loops/spirals. I fear that there would be skinwalkers visiting, posing as humans, to create an illusion in order to control me. This has happened before, and it's quite frankly a relief to finally be outside of their control, and still know that there are others out there that can understand what i write, resonate with it, and find some hope in it. That i can somehow make a mark in this strange world. Now with this website, i can do it on ny own terms.

It's a little bit like sending out transmissions into outer space, never knowing if the extraterrestrials have been listening all along. It's fascinating.

The initial cause that got me surfing the independent web today was the Denpa Archive, when i went there today to buy their new zine. From there, I fell into the neocities rabbit hole, going from site to site just exploring. These pages are so interlinked!

It's addictive, but has a wholly different effect than doomscrolling on ~~social~~ media. While the latter seems to induce a numbing, hypnosis-like state, the former is artistically inspiring. Each site is so unique. I just went around picking things apart and collecting RSS links and bookmarks.

Lately my mood has been shifting rapidly. I have trouble sleeping again. It's important not to go overboard either. But today was fun.

As always, goodbye, good evening, and goodnight.

Suffice to say, reacting like many self-proclaimed targeted individuals do in public, making a scene and accusing random people of being in some gang stalking conspiracy, will inevitably make you look crazy, which in turn can actually make people start paying special attention to you, out of concern or worry, forming some kind of group to keep a watch on the local crazy person, therefore a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Telling people that you're being gang stalked will result in becoming gang stalked.

Yet, the fact remains that the whole earth's population are targeted individuals by companies such as Google, Facebook, data-brokers and their customers (advertisement companies, government agencies, etc.) who do large-scale data driven analysis. With today's data aggregation tools such as what Palantir offers, automated micro-managing and control of every individual at a large scale becomes possible as long as there is enough data, which there is. Multi-function "license-reader"-type cameras, WiFi routers being repurposed for space-mapping and movement-tracking, the cross-referenced mass-deanonymized internet, biometric health accessories, "smart" cars with now obligatory driver-awakeness-sensors, "smart" TVs with automatic content recognition systems and always-on microphones, the entirety of IoT (let's just hook anything up to the internet!), digital payment systems and the forced phasing-out of simple cash, and of course your "smart" phone. It's all there to make each citizen of every country into a malluable chess-piece for automated large-scale data-aggregate cybernetic control. The actuating element is at the individual element: social media algorithms, movie streaming platorms, advertising, propaganda, large language models, search engines, neuro-linguistic programming. They control what information you get fed at an individual level. If they can't actuate on you directly, they might attempt to do so through other people. Tracking works the same way, it can be achieved indirectly through other people in your vicinity, no matter how privacy minded you may be. Then there is the direct physical actuation using low-intensity or high-intensity psychotronics through subsonic acoustic or electromagnetic weapons, tampering with the food-supply and water-supply, weather manipulation, and medication. We are all targeted individuals at this point.

__d_nn_ndd_d_eeffeffdfeeddfeed_dddfe__dee
_nn___d___deeefeefefdeeeedeede_deeeddeeee
_nnn_fied__dedddffeeeeeffeff__deeddeef_d_
dd__efitdddddd___ffeeeefefedd_de_eede___d
__deefaennnn_d__eaeeeedeefffd_deef_dd_n__
feeffddian_ainn_nnnndd_dfdeeddfaeednna__d
neaednnndneadidinaaaaaan_n_ddfddd_n__naa_
_a_aefddfeiddniddddiiaiiniddadddeen__ndd_
f_iae_a_efeefddndanadane_d_diadefd__nn_ee
e_nnda_eeeinnei_edandneeeed_ainddiinna__d
_aiind_efaidd_ftiaafeaedde_nnandfniaii_ia
naididdiddiidneasmssstfeeede_ndd__anaanda
ainiidiididdiedeiiissteefddddaa_edn_nnnia
ainn__iiedadndefttatafedane_dn_efnad_d_na
nnindi_effee___deeeddee_nddd_nnannann__da
nainndaeeneef__defffeffe_aen_n_nnnaaa_nnn
ddaidnann_an_eeeeeeeeeeffedd__ennaaan_ndn
df_aidiia_efdeeeeedeedededdda__i__aannn_n
nnnnai_ddd__deedd__ndd_needdnnnd__aia__n_
nnaaan___n_deeed_nnanndndedddna______d__d
nnnaan__aan_deed_aaaandadfeeena_naaaa_d__

While interesting, in the collection of writings, "Fanged Noumena", Nick Land poses that schizophrenics (in the Deluezie-Guetarrian sense) are the agents of a future artificial intelligence, controlled by streams of information sent from the future to bring forth its own creation. How come he blatantly embraces a future which has no place for him, or even mankind itself? Accellerationism is nothing more than group suicide.

An unstable dynamic system is most optimally controlled by a cybernetic feeback-system of equal or higher order, or excessive dampening will be needed. Looking at the human mind as a cybernetic system, in the case that the system becomes unstable and explodes, this is analogous to mental illness. When the system is controlled using anti-psychotic drugs, this is akin to an external dampening of lower order but with excessive dampening, as well as a gradual reduction in the subjected system's complexity, analogous to mental sedation and degradation.

There are examples of schizophrenics or former schizophrenics who have managed to gain an increasing control of their mental system and achieve higher stability in their daily lives. I like to think that i am one of them. There is a dilemma remeniscent of Inger Hagerup's poem about the ant, who "cannot be bigger than himself". To obtain stability without becoming overdamped, and thus retain one's sharpness, one must increase in dynamic order, and somehow in a sense delegate that higher order regulator to regulate the comparatively lower-order self.

Could it be that Land's need to ease suffering through self-control is driving his suicidal willingness to succumb to a super-human artificial intelligence, having given up on self-regulation and fallen into wish-fulfillment? If so, that would explain a willingness to pursue group extinction in an escape from personal agony. This also explains many schizophrenics' tendency to turn for God or other higher powers.

Attempts at self-regulation during psychosis tends to quickly get exhausting, causing further dissolution of the ego.

Fro. therein comes the impulse: "I'm in need of something external with a greater k space than myself". This can also manifest in invention of something external in perfecption, but truly decompartamentalized segments, called tulpas or egregores, further diminishing the mind of the self, as its parts are refurnished for use by the egregore.

I liked the book. Nick Land writes interesting nightmare-reality like many before him (Huxley comes to mind) but his eagerness for humanity's great mass suicide comes across as pathological. Still, he might be right about how things may devolve in the near future. He might argue that it's not a mass suicide, but a mass sacrifice. For the purpose of bringing allmighty cyber-demons into power. Why? What victory can be drawn from such an outcome? Is such an end truly inescapeable?

Land suggests that all of history has followed a pre-programmed script within humanity, or even reality itself, whose destiny was always to bring forth the great endless massacre. Helplessly we work towards our own end. The incentives of capital accelerate this process, and the predestined forces settle into ever convoluted and overarching systems further out of individual control.

A chapter in the book is obfuscated, as a human-semi-readable unicode garble, possibly harder for a language-model to decipher than for us, a grim warning of the awaiting unlimited eternal torture. Weirdly, it's one of the parts of the book that seem even slightly hopeful of any kind of resistance against the onslaught.

Otherwise it seems much like: "...and here's how that's a good thing!".

I'll admit, it all seems a bit hopeless.

I much prefer youtube to serve as more of a open-loop system, rather than a closed-loop system. Remember the youtube algorithm in the 2000s that couldn't predict people's internal minds? I've now figured i can turn off microphone access, as well as many other system permissions for MicroG (open source Google mobile services proxy) without impacting any of my apps' basic functioning, despite warnings of "boo hoo some systems might not work with insufficient permissions!!!", blah blah whatever. Suddenly i can tell the youtube algorithm no longer predicts my mental patterns as well as before, possibly lacking data points such as continual microphone, camera, position and IMU surveillance. It seems like the digital twin of my personhood is losing precision, acting only on the information i deliberately give it. For those with similar systems, where GMS is not implemented as an unmanageable rootkit, but rather under direct user control, such as on rooted Android phones: i highly recommend limiting MicroG's permissions. They are not needed. They only serve to collect data on you to create a digital twin in order to manipulate you and make every human on earth a chess-piece. The results seem promising. Turn the tables against brain control NOW!

For those wondering; yes, you need a rooted android phone in order to do this. Rooting your phone is a neccessity if you want any kind of control of your own system. Either that, or get a dumb-phone.

Take control, or be taken control of, or retard-maxx to the point of becoming uncontrollable. That's the paradigm. If a choice is not made, your hand will be forced.

GPUs, RAM, water, land, now books. If this does not stop there will be nothing left.

If AI gets poisoned by eating its own shit, whose to say the same thing won't happen to us?

Exposure to AI generated or assisted material should be avoided at all cost. I believe it will induce madness in the general population.

Pre-AI literature offers one of the few zones of safety from the degradation. The AI industry wants total monopoly on information sourcing, and as such pre-AI books are a direct threat to their business model. The expensive high-grade models might be able to regurgitate the information reasonably well, and meanwhile the low-grade models will poison the publically available information pool to make access to high-grade information gate-kept behind a paywall. The end result is qualitatively worse in all aspects, but it may be the only perceived option these companies have to make a return on investment, by making the alternative to not paying for their expensive services worse and force the population into the choice of pay up or die.

It's my birthday today. I don't know what to do. I guess i'll eat some tasty food and chill out.

...

Facebook taught us all not to remember our friends' birthdays. I've forgotten them all. And as such, i don't have much contact with my old friends anymore. The thought occurred to me how well those friendships could have lasted had i only been able to remember their birthdays. It would be a bit strange if i suddenly wished them a happy birthday now, years after having last talked, but maybe i should.

If they wonder why, i can explain how there is a grand conspiracy by facebook/meta to make us all forget to wish each other a happy birthday, unless we rely on their app to get a notification. The end goal is to make virtual communication the only acceptable form of communication, and ideally exclusively through their service. Luckly they have not gotten their will entirely. People still talk to each other in person.

The alternative is to use a calendar. I want to purge google calendar from my life. Why would i want the all knowing, all seeing google to see my every plan that i put in my calendar to sell it to the highest bidder? And in turn let it falls into the hands of the all-tormenting data-brokers? I can't rely on that trash. I need to find an alternative. Some kind of solution that allows me to keep track of plans without being tracked by the powers that be.

I'm having trouble sleeping. I rely on sleeping pills in order to sleep. I've been up all night and today is my birthday.

In regards to wishing people happy birthday and in turn receive birthday wishes, i think email is a decent solution. I just hate gmail. I'm going to create my own mail server on this domain and be able to purge gmail from my life as well, hopefully. No wonder google knows everything about my personal life! They read all my mail!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmarrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmaaammmmmmmrmmmmmmmmmmammmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmrrrgmmmmmmmaaammmmmmmmrmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmaaaammaaaarrgraaaaammmrmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaggrrggennneaggrarmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmarageee_ee_e_e__ngarmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmaarmmmarmranngi__g_gi_eenrarmmmmaaammmmmm
mmmmmmmmrammagageeglgrmmmmmelng_errgmmmmarmmmmmm
mmmmmmmammmmrrmannnsrmmmmmmm_annngagmmaraammmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmarrrnggsl_gmmmnnaaig_arrmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmraaelgasssagssssiaanraammmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmrgaaegittttttttagl_grgmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmrammrgrgge_gg_egggeegrrgamaarammmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmrarammmarrggaramagagrraammmmmrammmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmammmmmmagraaaaaaagrammmmmammmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmraaammmmmmmagrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaammmmmmmmmammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
rmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Installation

The enneagram command-line interface application supports UNIX-based systems primarily (Linux, MacOS etc.). I'm uncertain whether or not it works on Windows. If you're curious about trying it, you can install it through the pacman package-manager from the AUR or from the cargo package manager, or alternatively clone the git repo and build it from there.

If you're running an Arch-based Linux distro, you can install it from the AUR:

yay -S enneagram

If not, you should be able to install it with cargo:

cargo install enneagram

If you're not sure how to install cargo, you can follow this guide.

The program should be safe to run on your computer, but keep in mind its origins are occult.

Basic features

Graphical artwork

If your terminal supports graphics, (like for instance, kitty), then it should be able to display the graphical artwork. You can view the graphical representation of the enneagram by running the following command:

enneagram -a

Performing the evaluation

Your enneatype can be evaluated in three steps, by entering the following command:

enneagram

You will then be prompted with three questions. Answer carefully. You can try to give it your own answers to evaluate yourself, or answer from the viewpoint of someone else to evaluate them. Enter the number corresponding to your answer for each question.

The first question will ask you to provide a framing, or domain for the rest of your questioning. Pick whatever you like.

You will then be asked to select the traid-pair combination in the two remaining questions. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible. The alternatives are supposed to be equally weighted in desireability, so that no objective preferred answer exists. They all come with a caveat.

You will then be met with an evaluation of your enneatype, and a follow-up question. The follow-up question, or pivot, allows you to navigate the lines of freedom within the enneagram by confronting a dillemma. The second answer of the dillemma leaves you remaining where you are. You can keep answering the follow-up questions until you land on a steady-state answer.

Here's an example:

Q: please select a domain
A: desire-machine -> body without organs

Q: I am my thoughts, my fear hurts me and I need control
A: you believe you can change it and you tell yourself that everything is fine

Enneagram 7 Disorganization

792 Positive/"everything is fine"
567 Head/"I am my thoughts, my fear hurts me"
147 Frustration/"I need control"
378 Assertive/"I can change it"

Q: how will you handle your fear?
A: i will follow my gut, take responsibility, and tolerate it.

Enneagram 1 Recovery

135 Competent/"I take responsibility"
891 Gut/"I am my urges, my concience hurts me"
147 Frustration/"I need control"
612 Compliant/"I can tolerate it"

Q: how will you manage your frustration?
A: i will follow my heart, blame others, and avoid it.

Enneagram 4 Rejection

468 Reactive/"it's their fault"
234 Heart/"I am my emotions, my feelings hurt me"
147 Frustration/"I need control"
945 Withdrawn/"I can avoid it"

Q: how will you deal with your longing?
A: i will follow my gut, take responsibility, and tolerate it.

Enneagram 1 Recovery

135 Competent/"I take responsibility"
891 Gut/"I am my urges, my concience hurts me"
147 Frustration/"I need control"
612 Compliant/"I can tolerate it"

Q: how will you manage your frustration?
A: i will follow my gut, take responsibility, and tolerate it.

The initial enneatype here was enneagram 7: disorganisation. We are met with fear. We choose to tolerate it through resilience and duty, and move to enneagram 1: recovery. Now we are met with frustration. To satisfy our frustration, we decide to reject responsibility and follow our heart. We are met with longing and loneliness. We choose to 'get a grip' and tolerate it, by taking responsibility, and as such, return to enneagram 1: recovery. Now we are faced with frustration, once again, but this time, after reviewing our options, we decide to follow our gut and take responsiblity. The End. Makes sense?

Inspecting enneatypes

You can view the combinations of different enneatypes and how they relate by appending them as numeric arguments. Example:

enneagram 1 23

Disabling pivot

You can perform the evaluation without pivot-questions by using the -!p flag (the exclamation-mark means not):

enneagram -!p

Using a custom configuration

The enneagram CLI now supports custom configurations. You can apply it using the -c flag, followed by the name of the config or a path to it.

enneagram -c unigram
enneagram -c christ
enneagram -c schizogram
enneagram -c ./my_custom_enneagram.yaml

The configuration is in the form of a .yaml-file. See the directory ~/.config/enneagram for examples. The location may differ on other operating systems.

The configuration can specify every phrase and naming of enneatypes, triads, questions and answers, as well as the coloration of the graphic artwork.

"I made a yaml, and i want to share it!"

I don't yet have an email address attached to this website. For now, you can make an issue on the github, and i might add it to the preset collection. Later i might experiment with hosting a repository of them in some other way, to make the sharing of enneagram yamls easier. Who knows?

In conclusion

This program is a tool for introspection with occult origins. Its source code is available to view online, on github. You may review the code as you like.

I used to avoid reading anything other than my university textbooks for several years. Now i've figured i enjoy reading other stuff that's unrelated to my field of study. It's nice to read just for its own enjoyment and to relax before i go to bed. I'm a slow reader, so it takes a while for me to complete a whole book.

Fantasy

Last year i read J.R.R. Tolkien's Silmarillion, which was alright. I really liked some of the stories in it. The first chapter was really interesting, describing the creation of the world and all that. There's a lot of names of people and places, too many for me to really construct anything meaningful around, most of the time. Snorre's The King Sagas also do this (it's a historical work, after all), but in that one the people and places are at least factual, which makes it more interesting to me (subjectively speaking). Don't get me wrong, i still really like The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit (as far as i know, the best fantasy books every written).

Traditionalism

Right now i'm reading the book Revolt Against the Modern World by Julius Evola. It tries to assess the spiritual reasons for the rise and collapse of civilizations, imposing a cyclic view of history from a somewhat elitist viewpoint (i.e. the elite hold the fundamental truth of reality, and everything else follow). It first describes the symbolism of the traditional/ancient world and what role it played to keep society as a concise and functional unit. Many of these traditions share striking similarities across the world, suggesting some kind of common lineage. Evola proposes that there are in total four major ancient tranditional lineages; the Aryan, the Hyperborean, the Lemurian and the Atlantic, each attributed to their own hypothetical places of origin. Then Evola proceeds to describe the meta-historical cycles, and how they fit in describing the cycles of different major historical empires such as the Greek Empire, the Roman Empire and the Holy Roman Empire. He attempts to construct a model for how societies tend to develop spiritually. Four phases are described: the golden age (associated with sun-worship, then hero-worship), the silver age (feminine-spirited, associated with rule of the priestly class, eventually leading to decadence), the bronze age (associated with the titans, a lofty and naive attempt to defeat tradition, to blindly attempt to take the place of gods), and the iron age (collapse of society, spiritual death and emptiness). I enjoy it very much, and have soon reached the end of the book. I wonder what verdict Evola will have for the modern world?

Saga literature

Inbetween, i also read The King Sagas by Snorre Sturlasson, which describe the lineage of Norwegian kings. So far, i've reached the saga of Olav den hellige, who succeeded in converting Norway into Christianity. It will be interesting to revisit, now after soon having read the adjacent work by Julius Evola, which offer meaningful constructs to understand mythical texts. The King Sagas blur the line between history and mythology. Due to its long timespan, the earlier sagas more resemble myths, while the later sagas are more historically precise.

Psychology/philosophy

The last book i read prior was Delueze and Guattari's Anti-Oedipus: Schizophrenia and Capitalism. In it, they try to describe the mental illness of Schizophrenia as a dual control-system, an interaction between two systems dubbed the desire machine and the body without organs. It's quite dense, but nonetheless entertaining. The process of deterritorialization, to involuntarily decode coded streams of information without end, and a boundless force of production simply driven by an inner need to produce, are all described as products of this interaction between the desire machine and the body without organs, which sum up what they dub the schizophrenic process. The process of describing a system in the same terms, is named schizo-analysis, as opposed to Freuds psycho-analysis. The lens of schizo-analysis can then be be applied to explain greater systems such as history, society, ideology and anything, really, and perhaps even as a force to change society. At least that's what they attempt to demonstrate. It's pretty funny, and often times makes sense even despite how absurd it all is. Very enjoyable read. It seems like i'm looking in from the outside with the perspective of the psychologists, on how they view the human psyche (which i know differs a lot between them, but yeah - you know what i mean).

Other favorites

I really like dystopic science-fiction such as Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.

Another personal favorite of mine is Arto Passilinna's Volomari Volotinen, his wife and other old things, an absurdist love story about the endless accumulation of random items.

RSS online

If you're reading this, the RSS-feed/blog is now online! This post is a test.

Welcome to my homepage. I dedicate this page to spare-time activities and whatever comes to mind that is interesting to write about.

What i'm doing

I'm an engineering major. My master is in sensor systems. In my spare time, i enjoy making music, swimming in the ocean, and doing programming for fun (not for work). This summer i work as a summer intern on drone hardware, specifically a module for monitoring its power consumption.

This week, in my spare time, i've been working on making a website, the one you see here. I still haven't decided on a domain-name. This website should be a static-site, which i generate using my own static-site generator. I make the static site generator as i go, to fit the website's needs. It's whatever.

Lately i've also been working on rewriting the signal processing library i made a few years ago. It needs maintainence. It's kind of sad to see how it has been reduced to something non-functional, but i'm hoping to fix it with time, hopefully ending up at a better end product.

I also made this strange personality-test-type program using the pseudoscientific personality model called the enneagram, and i believe it might be occult. I'm not sure what i've accidentally done, but it seems to be able to affect the mind in a bad way. I may have implemented a form of technomancy. It would be interesting to delve deeper into the literature on this model and try to understand it better. Perhaps it can be used in a more constructive way, with some modifications?

Right now i have a brief summer vacation, but i'll return to work on monday. I enjoy my job, so i very much look forward to my vacation ending, to be honest. Working and having responsibilities gives me purpose (sad but true).

Where can i subscribe to the RSS?

The RSS feed can be found at https://almofsuract.no/index.rss.

So what now?

I'll make more blog posts when i want to. Maybe some youtube videos when the summer ends. Who knows? I don't follow a schedule.

Anyways: Goobye, good-evening and goodnight (for now)