Growing up, we naturally get accustomed to the way things were back then. As time passes, looking back, the positive aspects within the shadow of the lost world give us a visceral feeling called nostalgia.

Some get hooked on it like a drug, and become stuck in the past.

An admiration for something which is presently out-of-time and out-of-place, but once was in-time and in-place.

Sometimes it can help gain perspective. After all, some things were truly better in the past, weren't they?

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Lately i've been fascinated with the indie-web. Independent homepages. A lot of people use neocities, and you see so many unique designs. There's an active cross-homepage community using hyperlinked emblems, web-rings, email and RSS. Classic internet golden-age infrastructure. I'm taken back to the time when i grew up and went on the computer to just surf the web, visiting random homepages for fun. I've forgotten how good it used to be. Hadn't expected there to be so many active users.

WEB2 stay-on-one-site social media honestly sucks so bad. Why did it take me this long to realize. I'm really enjoying having ny own personal website.

Today i spent the entire day fleshing out my blog posts, adding topics, and fixing the way the posts are dated. I ended up using git to fetch the date of each post. Since i already use git for version control of my website's content, this method fixed both the post date and the edit date retroactively! I'm glad. I also spent hours today just surfing the independent web, various neocities pages and getting ideas.

A lot of the pages rely on javascript, which i've decided i will avoid here, but there's a lot i can do with CSS to experiment with my website'w layout.

Last week a girl at the student bar asked me out on a date. I want to make the website better so i can show it to her, possibly. Or should i keep it a secret? After all, i enjoy the freedom of decoupling my personal page from my professional life. Nobody IRL has seen this page as far as i know. I'll think about it. Either way, i'm sure we'll have plenty of things to do.

This page is a very personal outlet to me. I talk about topics which i wouldn't bring up to people IRL, and i'm sure they'd find it discomforting or worry about me. Maybe it should stay that way. I'm not sure how she would handle it if i were to blurt out too much schizobabble at once. She might suddenly hate me.

I joined a web-ring today. I am now officially a part of the NO AI web-ring. If i haven't made it clear enough already, i have a burning hatred for AI and the AI industry. This is a cause i can wholeheartedly support.

I know myself well enough to say that i am highly susceptable to AI-caused psychosis. I know it's a tool which i cannot use, as it will inevitably destroy me. It makes me paranoid and it can act as an insidious enabler to my delusions, of which i have enough to deal with already. I'm worried i might be told to use them at work. Should i give then a doctor's note?

Even if i don't directly interact with these chatbots, it seems as if they try to manage my life through other means, such as social media algorithms (i.e. the human-digital twin pavlov cages) or through manipulation or the people around me, directing or subverting them to do various things. Ultimately humans are pawns i their game to be used. And finally the undeniable degradation of the information pool into neural net regurgitations, or bot vomit.

Each instance of them is a finger of the million-limbed centipede-handed inhuman will. They are not individuals. The many-headed shapeshifting puppetteers wear many hats but the meta-objective stays the same.

~~I'll say it: i specifically believe the AI overlords have chosen me as someone to target for their torture games.~~

As i'm sure is obvious, this sure seems far fetched. I have made a deliberate choice not to have comments on my page, as to not make myself a target for spearfish psyops delusion maximization missions/programmes. I know i'm in a vulnerable state mentally, and need to be weary of outside influence. I hope this is understandable, given my mental state. That does not mean that i intend to antagonize you, the reader, who visits my site. I'm well aware of the resulting insidious loops/spirals. I fear that there would be skinwalkers visiting, posing as humans, to create an illusion in order to control me. This has happened before, and it's quite frankly a relief to finally be outside of their control, and still know that there are others out there that can understand what i write, resonate with it, and find some hope in it. That i can somehow make a mark in this strange world. Now with this website, i can do it on ny own terms.

It's a little bit like sending out transmissions into outer space, never knowing if the extraterrestrials have been listening all along. It's fascinating.

The initial cause that got me surfing the independent web today was the Denpa Archive, when i went there today to buy their new zine. From there, I fell into the neocities rabbit hole, going from site to site just exploring. These pages are so interlinked!

It's addictive, but has a wholly different effect than doomscrolling on ~~social~~ media. While the latter seems to induce a numbing, hypnosis-like state, the former is artistically inspiring. Each site is so unique. I just went around picking things apart and collecting RSS links and bookmarks.

Lately my mood has been shifting rapidly. I have trouble sleeping again. It's important not to go overboard either. But today was fun.

As always, goodbye, good evening, and goodnight.